Surrounded by IDIOTS

I'm surrounded by idiots at work, and if I really think about it, I'm surrounded by them in general. But if I had to nail it down, I'm surrounded at work.

One coworker, although she does have her days where she looks good, is a serious douchette. That's a female douche if you were wondering. She's always on the hunt for a husband. Her first husband left her, probably because she's a whiny prat. I'm not sure what a prat is, but people from England say it all the time so it must be bad.

We were sitting in her office one day working on a project and this guy walks by. She gave this look as he walked by that was something different from an ordinary look. I've seen the guy before but never wondered who he was.

So after seeing the look she gave him I ask, 'Who's that?' She say, 'Oh that's so and so. I thought we were going to get married at one point.' WTF? So I press...

Me: Woah, explain please!
Idiot Girl: Yeah we dated for a year and talked about marriage.
Me: So what happened?
Idiot Girl: I found he had a girlfriend already.
Me: No shit??
Idiot Girl: Yeah, they were dating for three years.
Me: (Faking compassion) Wow, sorry to hear that.
Idiot Girl: I really thought I was going spend the rest of my life with him until I found out he had a serious girlfriend on the side.

Now wait a minute. I think you've got it all wrong, YOU ARE the girl on the side! Freakin' idiot. How do you NOT know someone has a girlfriend already? Especially when you've dated this person for a year??? Wouldn't there be red flags? Wouldn't the fact that he's often absent for long periods of time outside of work tip you off?

I swear some people are idiots.

I can manage myself, I really can!

Not really. I do a terrible job of managing myself. I have the worst case of ADD I've ever seen.

I work in 20 second bursts, peppered with interruptions of my own doing. Better check my email, better check my myspace, better do some blog reading, hell, better post a blog.

The problem is this: if I'm not managing myself, I'm being managed by my crazy, moose-knuckled, snaggle-toothed, bad-weave-wearing, over-bite-having, mess of a boss.

I'm working today with only one other coworker in my office. She's this sweet, matronly type who gets WAY too excited when someone brings in pictures of their kids or dogs. I think her naughty weakness is knitting. I'm just guessing.
We had a talk today about her daughter who is going to college in Seattle. She still lives at home, over an hour away from school. For some reason, I feel I should preface this by saying her daughter is stunning. Absolutely stunning. I have no idea how she came from this grandma type. Anyway, she's preparing herself emotionally because her daughter may be moving up to Seattle so she doesn't have to drive everyday. This is the drama in her life. Her daughter MAY or may NOT move out.
Do you have to be old to have your drama level drop this low? What the hell? I want that kind of drama.

Another random thought running through my head and keeping me from working- my old best friend went crazy a few months back. I mean C-R-A-Z-Y. Not for a weekend, like we used to do, not that kind of crazy. That's good crazy. She went bad crazy.
I still hear about her from time to time. Her kids cause all kinds of trouble and now her oldest, who used to be friends with my oldest (until she realized she's nuts too) is now going to school with my daughters old friends. Her kids seem to be falling pretty close to the proverbial tree.
I heard last night that recently my old friend called and threatened some mom's life because one of her daughters said they were making fun of her.
Sigh.
She used to be someone I looked up to. She seemed like a normal person. We'd party like maniacs every weekend, shared plenty of secrets and jokes. She was my go to girl.

Is this something I should be concerned about, I wonder? Going this far off the deep end one day? I mean, right now I am happy, life is good, I'm pretty content. But one day, I can just lose it?

I should probably research that online.

This working thing is overrated anyway!

I'm drunk...

Well I had a really crappy day at work, visions of moose knuckles and snaggle teeth danced in my head, so I decided to erase them with some wine. 2 glasses later and I am blogging. Let's talk about why our moose knuckle toting, snaggle tooth wearing, bad weave having boss is such a biatch. Its because she is the boss that comes in at 4:15pm on a Friday and hands you a project that is due at 4:30pm and that she has been sitting on for 2 weeks. Yes, yes, we all know those type of bosses and we've got her, but we don't want her. Our boss talks ish behind other coworkers backs...yes, I said it; she breaks cardinal rule #1 of being a manager. Don't talk ish about your employees or if you do don't do it in front of their peers. Okay I am done ranting I need to spend my drunkenness on better things like doing my boyfriend. If you don't know, you better ask somebody. :)

Sex Ninja

I had a lot more sex this past week than normal. Normally in a 7 day week we rub nether regions about 3-4 times. This is not my choice. If I could, I would twice a day. I'm not sure what I did to deserve it but I must have done something really good.

I guess it helps knowing that 9 times out of 10 she'll get hers. I'm not trying to say that I'm some sort of porn king, I just put in the research on her. (It's weird how I'm making it sound so cold and calculated). We now have it down to a an art form where I can definitely say, 'I'm in your spot.' Once I hit that spot, I know she'll sing to the heavens in praise of the gspot. It's funny because she'll work at it and I'll tell her, 'Just relax and let me do the work. I'll find your spot.'

In all honesty, I must have really sucked in bed to past lovers. Back then, being younger, I didn't really care about what she was getting out of it. I never paid attention. It was all about me all the time.

A man like me can't afford to not pay attention to her needs. I'll be the first to admit I don't swing at the knees. So I've been forced to cultivate other skills. That being said I'm like a sex ninja with my hands and mouth. I've really come to enjoy those aspects of sex.

That kind of sounds kinky. I think I'll buy a ninja costume on my way home.

Jean day

Today at work is jean day. Our excuse is that we're cleaning our training trailers, but it doesn't matter, we get to wear jeans to work!

The only problem with this...is that I have to see my other, matronly coworkers wearing jeans. I'm talking full-on high waisted, tapered legs, acid wash (ok, no acid wash) mom jeans.

I beg of those who know me - promise me this: if I turn into one of those women who wear mom jeans and holiday vests, please find a way to accidentally run me over with your car.

On an up note, we bought a couch this weekend. On a down note, it was the highlight of my weekend. When did this happen? Slowly, over the last few years, my weekends have gone from drunken adventures in the clubs of Seattle to buying furniture and cruising the internet on Saturdays.

Is this the first step towards mom jeans? Is this how is happens? And why am I so content? Argh!! I need a nip of vodka in my mocha.

Work and more work...

Works really been getting in the way of me blogging once again. It's hard being an adult. Some days I wish I still was a kid. Granted I do act kind of elementary from time to time, so I'm not that far from being a kid.

I was thinking the other day about what else? Work! I was actually thinking to myself, 'Never dip your pen in company ink.' I'm so guilty of that. Almost everywhere I've ever worked, I've had some kind of office fling. My current job is the exception.

So what's changed? Why haven't I dipped my pen in company ink? It has nothing to do with desire. I can think of a couple of women I'd like suckle softly like a diabetic baby lamb. I'm sure part of it has to do with having a girlfriend. Such and ugly, misleading word. Girlfriend.

I've made no secret that I suck at being a boyfriend. I make sure to set any woman's expectations of having a fabulous, committed relationship really low. This way, when I do fuck up, it was expected. There's nothing like having an ace in the hole when you kiss another woman. It's never worked but somehow I manage to convince myself that it's okay.

I guess that now that I'm older, I'm way more careful about things. I do miss the days of wanton debauchery. I miss the thrill and excitement...the rush.

I guess at some point I had to change. I can't be the office Gerardo all my life.

Ohhhh Snap Son!!

It's on like Donkey Kong...yes, an oldie but a goodie. What's happening right now? This ish right here? Well I'm hacking up a lung in the middle of a class I'm teaching and acoustic is playing on the net while I g-chat him up. Trouble, she's next door talking about self prostate exams. Yep, this is what we get paid to do. I'm about to let the class out early so I can get some rest or play on this blog for awhile, whatever works.

Oh, you probably want to know what's up with Hong Kong Phooey, nothing I just enjoy the show!

Birth of a blog...

I took a class today. It was taught by a girl who I previously taught in another class. Next to her an old coworker was teaching a different class. We decided to have lunch together. While feeding our faces the old coworker asked if I still blogged. I told her I did.

The one who was teaching me today said we should start a blog. So here we are...

A little rundown on who we are, although they could describe themselves better; we all pretty much are whores or at least were whores in the past. I tend to embrace my whoreness. Yes that is a word. Troy kids...not sure. Trouble...almost as much as me.

They both have big boobs. I enjoy boobs. I guess it would be more uniform if I had man boobs but I find them gross. Man boobs are out. To their credit they are both incredibly funny.

I guess we'll post random rants about work, life, and how so much of life is so much work.